I have officially graduated from SOT 2011 :)
While typing this sentence, my heart is filled with a mixture of joy, thankfulness, sadness and nostalgia. Time really flies. 6 months just went by like this in the blinking of an eye. I still remember those days when my friends and I were so excited about enrolling for SOT, and today, all of us threw our mortar boards together in celebration of our graduation. We made it.
It has really been an amazing journey.
I signed up for SOT with absolutely no idea how to pay for my school fees. I just knew that I had to trust God for provision, and that His promises will come true for me. I remembered the times where I questioned God and asked Him why is it that everyone around me is receiving their portion of blessings for their SOT fees, but not me. There were times where I doubted and asked God whether He had forgotten about me, and I remember telling Him that even if I had to work to get the money for myself, I am willing to do so as long as I am able to cover all my school fees by myself.
But the truth is, He didnt forget about me, and He never will :) As months went by, blessings from my friends and family began to pour in, and there was never one day that went by when I was in lack. Month by month, I managed to pay off my school fees until I paid for the full course fees completely. Somehow, somewhere, I would be able to gather sufficient finances to pay off my fees. God provides, it's true.
The first month of SOT was probably my toughest period in SOT as I had to juggle between SMU and SOT. Many people came and ask how I did it, and yes it was crazy. I have to say that it was really the grace of God that carried me through such days, and truly by His strength, we can do all things. Even though I only had 1-2 hours of sleep everyday, there was never a single day where I had to drag my feet to SOT, because it was the place where I really yearned to be in every morning. There was nothing that I needed more than the presence of God, and He carried me through :)
Just after the first month in SOT, God's testing in my life started. It was the first time I ever hid in the church toilet, crying by myself, and afraid to come out because I didnt want anybody to see me. That particular week, I spoke to my leaders so much, and cried so much because I felt so misunderstood and helpless. In some sense, I was stripped of everything I had. It was then that I told God that even if I had to give up everything I have to become a nobody, to serve as a normal member, I will gladly do it because all I want to do, is to serve Him. It was also then that I began to realise the weaknesses that I had for so long, that were hindering me from moving onto a higher level.
When God takes away, His only purpose is always to restore back to us with something even better. I began to see Him add back to me whatever I have lost, and He restored to me much, much more than I could ever imagine. I started to take up new responsibilities, started songleading in cg, started doing more in choir, and started songleading in SOT after praying for it for 3 months. Slowly but surely, God was fulfilling the desires of my heart to serve Him in the areas that I've always wanted to.
One of the things that I am most thankful for in SOT, is having the most wonderful team anyone could ever ask for. It is in Team 19 where I laughed the hardest, where I could really feel the love for one another so strongly, and where I can truly be myself. They are the most fun, and encouraging bunch of people ever, and I know that I can always depend on them whenever I have any problems. Throughout these 6 months, we've helped each other along the way, shook each other up when we were falling asleep in class, laughed at one another, comforted one another, shared with one another and helped each individual to grow. They are the reason that I look forward to going to school every morning, and they never fail to put a smile on my face no matter how tired I am. I guess the love in Team 19 is the reason why we got nominated as one of the best teams for SOT 2011 :) Even though we did not win eventually, but deep in my heart, I know that this team will always be the best, and the most special to me. This is what an award can never be enough to represent :) Thank you so much Team 19!
Through the Mock CGs and preaching tests, I've really learnt so much. I have never thought that I am someone who can be good at preaching, but my team mates' encouragement really gave me the courage to do things that I have never done before. One of the greatest highlights of SOT would definitely be the mission trip to Jakarta, and it was one of my most meaningful experiences ever. Not only did we witness the power of God moving through us, we also came together united as team, determined to touch the lives of the Indonesians. Even though most of us were still very young, we still managed to make a difference in their lives, and this has really showed me that as long as we are willing to be used by God, there is nothing that He cant empower us to do :)
My second round of testings came just before I went for mission trip, when I lost my voice because I overstrained it. As a singer, one of the most discouraging thing that can ever happen is losing your weapon - and that is, your voice. The most frustrating thing was that I lost my voicewhen I needed it the most, when I needed to songlead for MJ zone meetings and youth camp, and also for various different events. I started to feel very lousy about myself because I felt that I couldnt give my best, and started doubting myself, and doubting my calling. I saw many people, friends around me rising up to do more, and do greater things, and experiencing their own breakthroughs, while I was stuck at where I am. I felt left behind, forgotten, and not good enough. It was there and then that God began to deal with my heart, deal with my thinking, and my perception about serving Him. I knew that He was moulding my heart, in preparation of something greater. Even as I began to cry out to God for my healing and breakthrough, and come broken before Him, He being the faithful God, was there to listen to my prayers :)
Like what Pst MJ said, "...........Even when you thought that He has forgotten about you, He's preparing a bigger stage for you."
Yesterday was our graduation. And it was also the day that I fulfilled the dream that I've been waiting for for four years.
I finally stood on the Suntec stage, and led CHC in a time of praise :)
It was my first time singing to a crowd of 10,000-12,000 people in a single service. It was an amazing experience, not because I could stand on a beautiful stage. Not because I could stand in front of thousands of people to sing. Not because I could have my face on the screen. Not because I could sing in front of Pst Kong and Sun.
But because it was a testimony of God's faithfulness in my life.
When my eyes swept through the entire congregation from the stage, I knew that this was exactly what I saw in my dreams. This was what, I have always wanted to do :)
When I look back at the past 6 months,
the valleys that I've walked through,
the mountains that I've conquered,
the victories that I have won,
I can only stand in awe and say,
God, You are so faithful and true.
Thank You for using SOT to change my life, to mould me and to use me.
Truly my life will never be the same again.
I will take all these experiences, friendship, and lesson that I've learnt with me for a lifetime :)
Thank you SOT 2011, for being the best chapter in my life.
In every victory, let it be said of me.
My source of strength, my source of hope,
Is Christ alone.